Life with Lotus Maria and Lucian Stone

I took this picture this morning to remind myself that occasionally she does actually sleep.

Lotus Maria has had a difficult time adjusting to life back at home. She really misses her cousin Kaiya and has decided that sleep is not something she is interested in. He favorite new past time is talking on the phone. She likes to call Grandpa Art, Kaiya and especially Daddy during the work day.

Luckily we have been pretty busy with lessons and visitors that it helps the sleepless days pass quickly, though I am not liking her need to scream for at least an hour at bed time.

I finally got to meet my gorgeous new grand-niece Roma at my dad's party. Don't you just want eat her? Here she is with her mom, Katya and Nate. She is so beautiful and she was so mellow, even with all the excitement ofthe party.




We got some wonderful family photos with my dad as well.

We lucked out for Art's 85th birthday party. It had been raining most of the week and really came down on Friday, but Saturday was a gorgeous day. My dad had a great time and it was wonderful to see family and old friends.



Several of the woman who helped take care of my mom came. I was really pleased to see them.







The cousins







My dad, a former student Elena and me

Reunification of Lotus with her Grandpa Art, Auntie Ra-Ra and Kaiya was pretty darn cute. Lotus loves her cousin “Kai-ja” (which is better than when she used to call her Ka-Ka”)We all went to dinner and the girls were so good. It had been a long day for them both and we had to wait for a table, but they were pretty close to perfect. We managed to annoy our waiter because we ordered to quickly and he informed us that the last time we were in there we were in a hurry as well. Seeing that I hadn’t been to Portland since December, I doubted that he really remembered us, but in any case I wasn’t sure what the problem was. Did he really want us lingering over our meal with two overly tired kids?














Lotus rocking out to Auntie Ray-Ray's ipod

Once we get through security, things went pretty smoothly, though I did learn a valuable lesson. When they offer to let you on the plane first because you are traveling with a small child, politely decline. Maybe those of you with chill, mellow children this is a good idea, but with my kid it’s not good. It just means she has to sit in her seat or on your lap longer, while watching everyone else getting to walk around. She had been a trooper through the security fiasco and in the gate area while we waited for our delayed plane, but she finally lost it. The poor guy in front of us wanted us dead as she screamed and kicked his chair. Luckily he was smart enough not to say anything, and I really didn’t blame him I would have wanted us dead if I was sitting in front of us. She passed out as soon as the plane took off, so luckily for us and the guy in seat in front of us the torture was short.

Lotus and I went up to Portland on April 11th, to prepare for my dad’s 85th birthday party which was Saturday, April 14th. Lotus is a pretty experienced flyer and was great on the trip, but I have to say that getting through SFO security is one of the most inane processes in the world. In fairness I hate the security people at SFO airport, they were awful to me when my mom died, I will never forgive them and I want bad things to happen to them. So I start this solo parenting/flying experience with a chip on my shoulder, but SFO security never lets me down. I am trudging through the line to show them my i.d. to get in another line to go through the metal detectors (I feel like from the start they could stream line this process), where rude woman number one is unhappy that I drop my i.d. Seeing as that I am trying to balance my diaper bag and Lotus’ toy bag while pushing the stroller which contains my wiggly and impatient kid and the only place to carry my id is in between my teeth, I thought I was doing okay. She also refuses to help me pick it up. So I have to put everything down get my driver’s license off the floor and then rebalance my belongings. So I hate her. Her only job is to look at identification; you think she could be a little more understanding or perhaps helpful.

Then we get in the next line. There are 10 security people standing around doing nothing, but only 2 x-ray machines open so we creep along. All the other parents in line have the same look of panic in their eyes. Our faces are wrought with tension that says that even though all of our kids are being good now, we know that could change at any moment and waiting in line is a toddler’s worst nightmare.

Behind me in line is an elderly couple, who are shuffling under the weight of their bags. Would it kill one of the ten security guards to offer to help them? I heard the gentleman tell three different guards he had a pace maker and they all kept ushering him along. When I finally to the x-ray machine they have no bins to place your stuff in and I can’t get anyone’s attention to get more. So have to drop all my stuff again to get more from one of the three unused x-ray stations. I finally host all my belongings on to the machine, which means a stroller, two bags, my shoes and Lotus’ shoes and Lotus balancing on my hip. When the gentleman behind me tells the guard who watches you enter the metal detector that he has a pace maker and they tell him that he’s in the wrong line and he has to get all his belongings to another line. So now I hate them more. We finally get through the detector and I am trying to gather my stuff on the other side, while holding Lotus. One of the guards informs me that I backing up the line. So I tell him to help me then. “How?” He asks indigently, “ How about opening my stroller?” “I don’t know how. Can’t you put your daughter down and do it?” “She’ll run off, just open it.” I refrain from calling him an idiot to his face. But he finally does get the stroller open, so at least he was sort of helpful.

I truly don’t understand how we are at all safer with clearly the world’s most disorganized and lazy people running the security show. This concludes my tirade of the day.

The Stanton clan joined some of Ron and Gloria's friends from MIT for a reunion lunch at Sinbad's. I was hoping to meet a friend of Ron's named Humoc who had lived in a teepee in the woods for a decade or so, but alas he was a no show. I was disappointed because I had some questions for him. We did meet some lovely friends of theirs and got to show off Lotus. She basked in the attention and I don't think anyone let her feet touch the ground.

MIT fun fact; To graduate you must pass a swimming test, which I thought was an interesting requirement for an Institute of Technology.

Child labor laws be damned, little kids working is just cute. On Saturdays we try and go to the Ferry Building Farmer's Market We do a little organic veggie shopping and say hi to our cousins that own Far West Fungi. Lotus gets to hone her work ethic by putting mushrooms in a bag and occasionally weighing them. We also coach her to be as cute as possible to attract attention to the fabulous mushrooms for sale. She is of course paid in mushrooms, much to her fungi-phobic father's chagrin. Nate's folks took these cute photos of the Mighty Lotus hard at work.



I know she looks exhausted in this photo, but I swear she gets breaks.

Ron and Gloria came to visit for most of March. It was their first significant amount of time with Lotus and Lotus was certainly in love with her Grandma and Grandpa Stanton. I certainly appreciated the large amount of babysitting they did.

I think they were a little amazed at the wonderful relationship Lotus and Matt have and at somepoint we had to send Matt away so Lotus would show some attention to her grandparents.

April 3rd, 2007
It’s been a year…

One year ago Nate and I returned from Guatemala with our daughter. We touched own at SFO to the open arms of Andrew, Julie, Audrey and Ben. Lotus was wearing a fussy vest and a wide-eyed expression. A year and a million lessons later and here we are.

In the past year I have been awed, exhausted, overwhelmed, amazed, frustrated but mostly my heart is bursting with love. I have watched first steps, heard first words and been hit in the face for the first time since high school soccer.

I have had to realize that it’s not all about me, that accomplishments and completion of tasks are relative and raising my child is an ongoing process with no clear end. I figured out that I no longer have weekends or vacation days. That she doesn't care that I just want to send one more email and neither should I. I still can’t figure out what my life was like before Lotus, but I remember always saying I was busy and stressed out.

During the past year I have met amazing moms and a few annoying ones. We have seen lots of friends and family and made great new friends. We have had playdates with all sorts and types of families. I have played at more parks, gone to music classes, kids museums, gymnastics classes, and swimming lessons. I have read the same seven books over and over and tried to never play “kids” music in the house. (Yeah, she dances to highly inappropriate songs, but she doesn’t know what it means yet)

The first few months I would panic if we didn’t have something to do or someone to see. I was positive I would actually die of boredom, while at the same time be inexplicably exhausted. Now we take each day as it comes and sometimes if my only accomplishment is that she is alive at the end of the day I can be okay with that. Usually we are so busy laughing and living. But not a moment goes by that I am not tripped out by the experience taht is Lotus Maria

And Lotus Maria, she’s so beautiful, and so smart and I can’t believe we get to raise her. Her laugh is infectious and wicked. She is fierce and full of fire. She gives the greatest love with the most obstinate demeanor. And I hope one day that I will meet and hug her other mother and try and disentangle the age-old argument of nature vs. nurture, because there is so much of her behavior that is we. Could it be possible that in another country there is a woman with a life so different than mine, but is so like me to bear a child so like us? It seems improbable and yet very likely that fate brought our family together across countries, timezones and cultures.

My only sadness is that my mother never got met this amazing being. Being a new mom without a mom seems to go against nature. And though on good days I know she is with us in spirit and on bad days, when I want to wring the necks of people who complain about their living, breathing mothers, I feel ripped off. I just hope on the days my daughter has me beat and I am running around the dining room table trying to grab some dangerous item from Lotus’ grip that my mom is laughing heartily where ever she is

So here’s to our first year and to many more to come.